The Philosophy of Auron Whumping
by SpazKit
Summary: A little heartfelt conversation betwen Tidus and Rikku with an unconscious ledgendary guardian in the middle of a dessert.


Mwaaha. Being a writer is fun sometimes. The latter of my stories lately have   
been… fun. ^_^ It's 2am, so probable grammar errors. Shoot me, I'm tired. And   
leaving for college tomorrow so yay! Fix later.  
  
  
The Philosophy of Auron Whumping  
  
  
  
"Is he dead?"  
  
You have no idea, the object of Tidus's speculation thought groggily. Auron   
groaned softly, trying and failing to open is eye. Giving up, he settled into   
darkness.  
  
"I think he's dead."  
  
"Tidus!" Rikku hissed.  
  
Tidus's hands shot up, gesturing surrender. She sighed, exasperated. They were   
huddled against the prone elder guardian, surrounded by lots and lots and lots   
and lots and lots of sand. And sunlight. And the constant abuse of harsh wind.   
With no shelter in sight. It'd been a long time since she was here, so close to   
home. Yet… it was all so foreign. Dunes were always shifting position in the   
wind…  
  
"Welp, I'd say he's at least dying-"  
  
AUGH. It made Rikku glad she had siblings to prepare her for Tidus. Patience.   
She must have patience. She had a wounded and unconscious legendary   
guardian on her hands.   
  
"Ahem. Rikku? Are you there? What do we do, huh?"   
  
Rikku blinked in the sunlight's glare. What /were/ they to do?  
  
"Well, it's getting to be late in the day. Tidus… will you go out over the dunes, not   
too far, and scout for the others? I'll try combining some of my potions and wake   
this...""She poked at Auron, her finger bouncing off his chest, "lunk head up."  
  
Tidus frowned. "…Lunk head?"  
  
"It's better than saying he's.. he's… /dead/!" She growled. She turned her back   
on Tidus to rummage through her black pouch, hoping he'd get the picture.   
Grumbling behind her, she heard him stand and start walking.  
  
"Don't wander too far! I'll need to find you again!" She warned over her shoulder.   
Boys. Geez…  
  
Muttering to herself, Rikku returned her attention to the prone guardian. She'd   
found Tidus first, the two waving wildly at each other from three dunes away.   
Then, as they'd trudged through the sands of Sanubia, where Sin'd thrown them,   
until Tidus had literally tripped over the sand-covered Auron on the desert floor.   
  
And here she was, gently brushing the sand from the silver-streaked hair of the   
fallen guardian. Hmm. He seemed to be breathing kinda funny, kinda loudly.   
Prodding at his ribs, Rikku received a gruff hiss and an involuntary toss of his   
head. Deciding his ribs were hurt, duh, she then mixed the appropriate potions…   
just as the wind picked up. Damn! The liquids sploshed together violently. After   
the bout of wind ended, she was relieved to see the potions intact.   
  
Lifting his heavy head, the young Al Bhed poured the greenish liquid into Auron's   
open mouth, the stuff dripping over his lip onto his chin. She ran a finger across   
the chin to picked up the residue goo, and felt the prickle of his stubble. Shave,   
man! Prickly bad!  
  
Alas, Auron made no movement after he instinctively swallowed the ooze. Drat.   
Well, she wanted to find Tidus, but couldn't very well /leave/ the poor man. And   
the wind was really picking up here.  
  
Grr.  
  
Well, the least she could do is protect the man's face from the wind. She   
unhooked his sake jug and set it before his face… no, that's not big enough.   
Tysh. Grumbling to herself, she again gathered his head into her lap and turned   
her back to the wind. His hair was surprisingly soft against her peeking stomach,   
the raven locks tickling her skin. Hell, it was more pleasant than the sand   
ramming against her back. And there! On the horizon! The one! The only!   
  
"RIKKU! WHERE ARE YOU?"  
  
"Right HERE Tidus!" She cried, yelping as the wind got worse. Ow! Ow!  
  
"I didn't find anybody," He panted as he approached, "But I found a tent half   
buried in the sand! And this weird… machina… thing," he said, offering the   
contraption to the Al Bhed. She squinted at it then squeaked in delight.  
  
"A perimeter guard machina! It's like a security system! We can stay in the tent   
without worrying about fiends!" She said, bouncing happily. Auron groaned from   
the movement, turning his head to one side. "Sorry," She mumbled.   
  
"Riigghht, lemme guess. I gotta drag him in here?" Tidus asked, trying to set up   
the tent.   
  
"Wait! Let's put it up at the base of a sand dune, so less wind will hit it. It'll be   
dark soon Tidus, we gotta hurry!"   
  
Rikku scampered downhill while Tidus grunted, dragging the limp Auron behind   
him. "God Auron, loose a few pounds, kay?" He grumbled to the unresponsive   
man in tow. Solid muscle or fat, it was still heavy! He gritted his teeth as the   
winds grew sharper.  
  
"Rikku! We need to hurry!" he cried out, almost dropping his charge. He glanced   
up in relief to find the Al Bhed stabbing the ground with the last of the heavily   
spikes, and tying off the tent's final pole. She grinned triumphantly, her hair   
flapping crazily in the wind.   
  
"Easy on his ribs! They're hurt!" She said suddenly, fighting against the wind   
storm to get to the pair. She helped lift Auron's legs…. barely. Ooof! Boot's ain't   
shiny no more, Auron…  
  
The two barely, /barely/ managed to make it into the tent. It was most definitely a   
struggle, but we won't go there. Rikku collapsed beside the unconscious   
guardian, trying to catch her breath. Tidus sat to her left trying to close the flap on   
the tent.  
  
"It's kinda freaky out there…" he murmured. The wind howled now, threatening to   
tear the tent from the ground. He shuddered.   
  
"And it'll be cold soon, too." Rikku sighed. "And Auron doesn't look so good," she   
said worriedly, noting the crease in his forehead, and the coat of sheen sweat   
beading on his brow.  
  
"Auron /never/ looks good when he's sick or hurt," Tidus said, stretching out as   
best he could in the cramped quarters. "Man, this one time, he caught the local   
flu, right? It was scary, he was talking in his sleep and moaning all night long." He   
shook his head.  
  
"He got pretty beat up back in Macalania, too," Rikku agreed. "Poor guy. I was   
really worried when Seymour plastered him during the fight. He dropped like a   
sack of grenades!"  
  
"I thought it was a sack of potatoes…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the howling sand storm. The   
temperature was dropping rapidly in the dusk, and Rikku noticed Auron's hands   
as they began to quiver.  
  
"He's cold."  
  
"Well, cuddle all you want, Rikku. No way I'm snuggling up to that guy again."  
  
"/Again/?"  
  
"Umm…." Tidus blushed. "This one time, after the first flu epidemic…. He got sick   
again. I was real little, so I just stayed with him all night. Woke up curled against   
his back. Was cold cause he stole all the blankets. Great fun," He murmured.   
"And a couple weeks later, he smashed his ankle on the patio door. Needed   
stitches. Had to help him get to the hospital, and he almost tripped us both!"  
  
Rikku shook her head. "Sounds like he has bad luck."  
  
"Apparently."   
  
Auron groaned again, swallowing and shuddering. With a sigh, Rikku removed   
his glasses and collar.   
  
"Watcha doin?" Tidus asked as she started to remove the guardian's robe.   
Naked Aurons were bad things. Yes.   
  
"Getting our blanket. Help me," she commanded. The two teens de-robed Auron   
with little pain for the owner. Running a light touch down his ribs, Rikku was   
pleased that he seemed to be in less pain. At least the potion worked somewhat.   
Rikku sighed again. It was getting colder.  
  
Maneuvering the prone man's arm, she extended the limb from Auron's shoulder.   
  
"Um… again, Watcha doin' Rikku?"  
  
"Making my pillow more comfortable," she grumbled, lifting the robe over Auron   
and curling up beside him, wary of his sore ribs. She rested her head on his   
shoulder and neck, the arm serving as a pillow.   
  
"And why are we cuddling? It's Auron fer cryin' out loud!"  
  
"He's cold, Tidus! Isn't you who was just talking about the philosophy of Auron   
suffering?" she argued, freezing when Auron's head tilted to one side, securing   
her brow to his jaw.   
  
"Needs a better sound effect, not suffering. Whapping maybe? Auron   
Whapping?"  
  
"Nope, something else."  
  
"Auron whacking?"  
  
"That sounds wrong, Tidus."  
  
"Auron whumping."  
  
"A little better," she murmured, closing her eyes. It was warmer now, huddled   
against the elder guardian. Tidus's words faded into the background as she   
drifted off.   
  
"Rikku!" somebody called. MMf. G'way. Tired.  
  
"Rikku!" The voice called again, urgently. Blinking blearily, she realized that she   
was curled up on the floor of the tent, Auron's robe draped around her but no   
Auron. Wait… that was Lulu!  
  
"Where's Auron?" Rikku slurred.   
  
"With Yuna, healing him. Come, we must leave soon."  
  
"Is everybody here?" Rikku asked as she got up, grabbing Auron's coat.   
  
"Yes. Kimahri found you this morning."  
  
"Is everybody ok?"  
  
"Yes Rikku. We must go now," Auron's gruff voice came from behind the mage.   
Looking… scantly clad without his scarlet robe, Rikku handed the article of   
clothing over. Auron accepted gladly.   
  
"I must thank you for… helping me last night," the elder guardian said softly when   
Lulu was out of earshot. "I have you to thank for my mostly-healed injuries, Yuna   
says."  
  
"Well," Rikku said as she walked beside him, the rest of the party moving on   
ahead, "Tidus and I were discussing the philosophy of your whumping last night,   
and we think you can use all the help you can get."  
  
She scampered on ahead, leaving Auron with a confused look on his face. 


End file.
